Ethical Kink – 11 Dommes Speak

I was approached to contribute to an article on Domme Addiction about ethical BDSM and aftercare. What ended up coming together was an incredible resource of deep wisdom from some major Dommes in the scene. The depth of Their empathy, experience and care for Their craft really shakes Me to My ethical kink core. I’d encourage you to read it in full. Here is My contribution:

I am almost constantly observing the behaviour and reactions of my submissives as well as watching my actions and motivations in order to keep us in balance as we push on our joys and boundaries. However, due to the nature of human interaction and life, not all is under our control, and a dance between conflict and cohesion is natural to all social dynamics. In the context of professional session based domination, I tend to focus the most intense amount of energy in maintaining engagement and safety in a scene for everyone. Even so, this has still resulted in triggers that I was unaware of – and as an extreme result some are too confronted to session with me again. In more minor cases there is usually a physical and emotional withdrawal on the sub’s behalf and it is then a matter of giving a pause and rebuilding them to reconnect from there. In terms of lifestyle D/s relationships the reaction of withdrawal is similar but can usually be more easily mitigated with more time to communicate over what triggers may have been hit or boundaries crossed.

I approach all D/s exchange with a sense of responsibility at all times, not limited to an aftercare scenario. This said, there have also been wilder moments where especially during heavy corporal punishment scenes I have lost myself to it. This is simply when safe words are paramount and the selection of a suitably strong submissive is integral. So I guess you could say that I set the scene up responsibly so that I could lose myself responsibly as well… Aftercare is a beautiful component to any scene or relationship – where we reflect and check in on our state of mind and body; but in how I practice D/s it is a small act in the greater relationship of care, support and co-exploration of life and its limits between two people. Also, in how I practice I disagree with your statement on creating and rewarding addiction or co-dependency. Especially within ongoing or long term relationship my subs and I look at maintaining their responsibilities and focus on building them as strong and healthy individuals. I want my submissives to be a support that I want to be proud of and rely on; not weight that I must carry.

Read it in full here